A chance encounter.
Morning words, so soft, so tender,
cradled in wings of love
soflty brushing against this damaged, desolate heart.
To be held so by an angel...
what indescribable joy!

Spasms of fear!
Must fight against the small blue flame
flickering hope in a ravaged soul.
Flail, scream, run, strike out, hide, tremble
Cannot let those tender wings
rend such hard-earned defenses.

Pitch black silence
not just falling into the abyss, but plummeting
back to the nothingness
of a ravaged soul, disintergrating.
decimating any vestiges of the cradling wings,
of my angel's love.

Echos spiraling in pursuit
forever fading, mocking the blue flame, ridiculing,
crushing, jeering the eternal question...
were they all right? do they see what I can't?
am I unworthy
of my angel's love?


I am sorry. I miss you, my friend. I love you. I want to come home!

but, goodbye?

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Three sleepless nights,
this isn't how its supposed to be.
But you are so good at
taking your time to get back to me.

I will wait for you forever,
if you would just ask me.
I thought that I could change you
but you changed me.

But it doesn't feel right,
holding someone else's hand.
Together on phone line,
and living at two opposite ends.

It scares me to think,
that you could find takers other than me
and better than me.

But you're head is elsewhere,
and I’m talking enough for both of us.
When will you see it's not (it’s not) so easy for me
you’re careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.

And I thought that you said
things were improving.
These laces are untied,
but my feet are still walking away.

(I fall from you eyes, your eyes I trusted, you said forever)
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
(Don't say that we can still be...)
Is this really happening?
I never thought that you could say these words.
Is this really happening?
(Don't say that we can still be friends)

Erase my name from this page.

How can you take all these days
(What is inside of me what have I done?)
and throw them away
(Is this the only way that you will notice me?)
as I sit here waiting for you (for you)
(Dead words for closed ears all this is sung for you)

I stay up nights
(If you are still pretending this is what's right)
until stars leave the sky
(Why cant you look at me can you only see?)
knowing what my dreams can take away
(Sides, your side, can take away)
Walk away from me.
This night is done.

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Wow she brokje up with me... and had no reason other then she is happier without me... there is no other guy or anything... I havnt felt like i didnt want to be on earth in a long time... She made everyday worth living and now she is gone...

I love you Monica and always will...

~aNGeL~

aka. SaD PaNDa

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hey,

well first off this is to say sorry for all the watchers and friends i have on here... i have been away for some time now and still may not be bak for a while. I do miss you all and hope to be back soon. As for my pictures, a lot are stuck on maui and now i ma in cali so i will work on those and as soon as my scanner works again i will have my pics here put up.

thank you all so much for the support and for waiting for me to return...

~aNGeL~

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i give my heart to you perfect and unblemished...
you may do as you will with it
-hold it tight forever or drop and as it shatters into a million pieces-
if you choose to hold it it will never leave
and if it is broken and laying on the floor
it will only look up at you
loving you even more...

Plz dont comment...

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